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Saturday, June 26, 2010

What Have I Been Doing

The days keep getting away from me, rolling past in a blur of business before I realize I have not updated here.

I need to let out a silent scream.

Here it goes S  -  C   -  R     -   E   -   A   -     M !!!!!!
Whew okay that's better.

I am living in a state of being on the verge of giving in to panic. I am trying hard to launch my Herbal Tea line, as well as going through some problems with my throat. It has been very painful since just after Memorial Day.  A new set of scans, as I mentioned earlier is set up for next week, but general consensus is the problem is tissue damage from the radiation treatments. The scans are on the 1st, and then I see Dr. B, my radiation oncologist, and Dr. W on the 2nd. I guess surgery for some kind of esophageal stretching is quite common, and we will be discussing this further, after all of the doctors have gotten together. I feel so special when they all meet just for me  lol.

Seriously though the finances are really getting to me. It has been a very expensive past year being in treatment. Between gas to travel to ATL. every day, parking fees, co pays, medicines, etc... etc... we have gone through all of our savings, and as it stands right now I don't want to tell my husband and panic him too, but we are only going to get by at most the next two months. In the south here the electricity jumps in the summer, so now that bill is doubled.The payment for the little economical car we bought just before I got sick, when gas was pushing $4.00 a gallon,  which seemed like such a good idea at the time with both of us working  (truth be told we couldn't have gotten by w/out it going to Atlanta everyday for treatments),  is like an albatros. It is time to fill the barn with hay for the horses, and these doctors appts with their $35 dollar co pays are killing me with appointments almost everyday with one doctor or another. Sometimes more than one doctor in a day. Food prices have skyrocketed, and I can only dream of ever having enough money to visit My daughters and grandchildren. Being military families they are always so far away.  The house needs to be painted,  sigh, the list goes on and on with seemingly no end in sight. I know the Lord can work miracles, I have no doubts what the Lord can do, my doubts center more around being deserving. I mean there are so many other people worse off than Kev and I. I am no better than anyone else, and there are many nice people in even bigger trouble.

On a good note, yesterday I got to give my brother Sgt. Ted Sweet a big hug:) His unit just came off a 14 day leave, and when they return they always come through Atlanta. I was so excited when he called. We always get to see him off when he deploys because they come through Hartsfield. I was too sick and in the hospital when he deployed this last time in January, so it was extra special for me to get the opportunity to see him, and hug him. He only had 4 hours this time, so we just hung out and talked. His hair has turned completely silver. But he is a tough guy, and was in good spirits. He was so glad I came and picked him up. He said on the way home for leave the whole unit was all happy, joking and cutting up, but yesterday he said the wait room was the saddest room in the world, everyone was bummed leaving loved ones behind. Oh it was so good to see him though, it really made my day:)

Okay, I will try to get some more on here later, I have rambled on so long that I need to get off of here and get some work done.
Peace Out                                       


  1. hi
    I read a couple of your blog posts for june so i do not know all your history. I would like to offer a couple thoughts about your upcomming scans and doctor visits.
    First we as survivors ( I am 14 plus years post treatment for Head & neck cancer ) tend to loose the fact that the biggest side effect from radiation is that we heal 5-7 times slower than the normal person. This slow healing will last the rest of our lives. So the super nose nose camera may just have irrated it so much it is slow healing.
    Also the stretching is very common option. In my local head and neck cancer support group almost all have had this done and each get a bennifit from it. Some have to do it 2-3 times others have had 7-10 times. It is sore each times and does take a couple weeks to heal.

    As an example of slow healing, I had two teeth extracted over 9 weeks ago. This is a risk only second to Cancer. Removing teeth exposes the jaw bone, due to slow healing this increases risk of infection, if infection sets in the only treatment is cutting bone out to get ride of. Well the normal person takes 2 weeks to heal fully in after tooth extractions. It has been 9 weeks now and the skin is just now barely covering the bone. Oral surgeon says this is good and will continue to try and fill in over the next couple months, and may not totally fill in so there will be what i call pot holes there for the rest of my life.

    Early on after treatments and during the first two years after treatments we are very impatient waiting to be normal. Well that will never happen, your into a new normal life and may not know what that is for a couple years.

    By being impatient the idea of it is not bad bad until it is bad is gone from your mind. So if something bothers you right away you think of the worst of the worst. In this case keep in mind that your status now with sore throat is not bad until it is bad. One of my many stories comes from two years now that 7 doctors scoped me and all thought my cancer was back on my phynarx, in doing the biopsy they found this not to be true at all. It was just infection from long term side effects from the radiation. So as it may have been not good it certainly was not bad. PTL

    Please know I am hear to help if you want need it. I do not know everything, i have been thru alot, seen alot and heard alot so you can not bother me by what is said.

    Take care!

    reality can destroy the dream, why shouldn't the dream destroy reality, george moore

  2. John THANK YOU so much for your positive words. 14 years :) Wow now that's what I'm talkin' bout. Just out of curiosity did you regain saliva and taste buds over all these years?
    I wish I knew how to email you back directly, but hopefully you stop back and see that I read your words, and they made me feel extra positive today:)


    John Van Grinsven


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